


(It Hurts But) I Won't Fight You

by smolhombre



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Feelings, Ficlet, Gift Fic, Imminent Doom, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:15:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7223728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolhombre/pseuds/smolhombre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Organa knows better than to ask where they come from, and Poe doesn't see fit to clarify any different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(It Hurts But) I Won't Fight You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mob_lake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mob_lake/gifts).



“I left a very handsome, very confused man and a pissed off General back on base to meet you here.”

“Yes, you seem very upset by that,” Hux says dryly, watching the pilot double check the lock on the door in the nondescript hotel room. His hair is shorter than Hux remembers, and old blood has bloomed purple and yellow high under the skin of his right cheek.

“The word you’re looking for is ‘tired.’ Haven’t been ‘upset’ over a guy since I was twelve.” Poe crosses his arms in front of the General’s flickering holo. Hux takes up most of the space and air in the room, despite not actually being present. Poe thinks he might look different - thinner, paler - but that could just be the holo. He tells himself he wouldn’t care either way, clears his throat of sentiment.

“I don’t care if you’re apologizing.”

“You know I wouldn’t.”

Poe has always been shit at hiding his facial expressions. It’s how they first started talking, years ago, when Hux’s first leave after the Academy and Poe’s hundredth “extra curricular mission” (decidedly not a “joyride,” as General Organa had more often put it) lead them both to the same overpriced bar.

( - later, to a questionable mattress in a seedy hotel that asked for no names, Hux’s hands surprisingly soft in his hair, warm between his thighs - )

He’s learned to just lean into them, take it on the chin - to hide nothing and shake off any instinctive shame in being so open. He thinks, anyway. It’s always different with Hux.

( - would never let anyone else do this, a soft, slick mouth trailing warmly from the weighty ache between his legs back to - )

In front of him, Hux blinks near-owlishly at whatever is playing out on his face.

“Did you honestly expect that?”

“I don’t expect anything from you. I never have. Especially after letting your hound scramble my brains for a few hours.”

( - because it’s never been what Poe expected, that’s the secret; since the first call three days after his hundredth scolding from Leia, he’s learned Hux operates differently than any human or creature in the whole terrible, cold galaxy - )

“What can I - what could I say to you that would make that any different? The past happened, regardless of how we wanted it to.” Hux probably only sounds defensive because Poe wishes he were.

“So genocide isn’t really what you ‘wanted’ to do?”

Hux sucks on his teeth, plopping down onto the bed behind him. The holo makes his officer’s quarters look big - surely they don’t have this much room on that death trap ship of his.

“You knew we would end up here. Eventually.”

“No,” Poe shakes his head slowly. “I don’t think I ever really did.”

Hux’s face is a cool mask, all thin, brittle ice that serves to exaggerate his expression rather than hide it.

“It is hardly my fault you’re a sentimental idiot.”

“There’s a lot that is very much your fault.” He shoots back hotly, before chewing at the inside of his cheek, grinding the rest of the words to ash before they spill out, too.

“If all you asked me here for was to fight, I’ll be leaving. I’ve had enough fighting for one week.”

“I can’t say that I’m sorry, but - ” Hux looks once over his shoulder at some space the holo can’t discern. “Your General is moving to strike our base, isn’t she?”

Poe gapes. “I can’t believe you think I would tell you - I don’t have anything _left in me_ after what he did - ”

“Just - will you _shut up_?” He hisses, rising from the bed. The holo skips, blinking as it adjusts to the new height. “I’m not trying to get anything out of you.” The General clears his throat, bringing his hands behind his back to avoid fidgeting with them. Poe feels resentment bubble up in his gut that he recognizes the gesture.

“I’m trying to help - to give you something. For once.” Hux hands fall to his sides. “It doesn’t matter. Won’t matter, soon, so I can give it to you now.”

The late afternoon sunlight has moved to creep through the slim openings of the closed blinds behind the holo, bisecting Hux in sharp orange. Poe resolutely tucks the immediate image of the General’s sunlit hair to the “do not open” box in his brain.

Hux types something brief onto his data pad before looking grimly at Poe. The weight of it makes Poe feel like they are actually in the room together, muscle memory begging him to fold into the taller man, ease the tension holding his body rigid. It hadn’t been so long since they last were in the same room together, the same bed, eight months before everything went to shit.

“I have made my share of tactical errors. You chief among them.”

“You can _kiss_ my ass - ”

“But. I still think - I think that I am in love with you. As much as I am capable.” Hux looks up towards the ceiling, looking at once every shade of miserable and ashamed. “And, I’m - afraid. Terrified. I can’t allow myself to be sorry too.”

Somewhere, maybe a hundred galaxies away for all Poe can tell over the ringing in his ears, his datapad chimes with a new message. Hux looks back down, nodding towards the datapad propped up on his flight bag at Poe’s feet.

“A gift.”

The holo cuts off.

Blinking on the datapad is a schematics plan, crisp white lines that form a constellation surrounding a very large star.

**Author's Note:**

> Gift ficlet for the best egg Molly!! Who chose 32. "I'm falling in love with you, and I'm terrified." I've never written for these two before, nor has this been beta read or edited by anyone but me. All mistakes are my own :)
> 
> If you find this tickled your pickle, you can follow me on the [tumbles](http://violetteacup.tumblr.com)


End file.
